Can’t Fight the Tears that Ain’t Comin’

I read this fascinating article today about a man who had a tumor which stole every memory he had, and then it all came flooding back to him in an instant.

I can’t imagine both the sense of loss and the incredible sense of remembering that he went through.

"I felt like I was watching an actor forget his lines on stage."

I had to stop and think:

  • What will it be like when we see ourselves, at the end of our lives, finally in full context, finally with a more fullness of understanding?
  • And how would we live today if we knew we could never have it, really hold it, ever again?

I have to admit I am kindof flooded by all this right now. It realy came to hit me this morning when I dropped [my oldest daughter] to the bus for a trip to Cedar City’s Shakespeare Festival with her school grop. She is going to be gone for two nights doing things she loves with good people, but I was in tears as I left the parking lot.

I love that girl.

I would do anything to protect her, my baby, from anytthing that hurt her. And there, I had to let her go. Just drive away and let her be a big girl as if nothing was wrong, dissolving into fatherly tears that I am going to miss my girl for these two nights, and I ache for her heart to be full and happy. Not just today, but tomorrow and for her whole life.

Somehow the rain this morning seemed to just continue the thinking. Who am I becoming today? What if I lost everything that I have right now, what would happen next? Am I building my trust and faith in the things that cannot be taken away or am I actually busying myself with thigns that really have no meaning, no value, no purpose and that if it all were gone from me tomorrow, I would actually be no worse of… or perhaps even better off for it?

I keep thinking of the words I read recently in my own scriupture study. We always read about those who will be cursed or damned and I think we focus on thoase maybe out of guilt or fear, but I read something that really caiught me.
That in the last day, those who have done righteously wold have a perfeect rememberance, not of their guilt, but of their enjoyment.

That word fascinated me. Their enjoyment. Their happiness. Their joyfulness.

Never let me miss out on the joyfulness, Lord. Please.

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