Can’t Fight the Tears that Ain’t Comin’

I read this fascinating article today about a man who had a tumor which stole every memory he had, and then it all came flooding back to him in an instant.

I can’t imagine both the sense of loss and the incredible sense of remembering that he went through.

"I felt like I was watching an actor forget his lines on stage."

I had to stop and think:

  • What will it be like when we see ourselves, at the end of our lives, finally in full context, finally with a more fullness of understanding?
  • And how would we live today if we knew we could never have it, really hold it, ever again?

I have to admit I am kindof flooded by all this right now. It realy came to hit me this morning when I dropped [my oldest daughter] to the bus for a trip to Cedar City’s Shakespeare Festival with her school grop. She is going to be gone for two nights doing things she loves with good people, but I was in tears as I left the parking lot.

I love that girl.

I would do anything to protect her, my baby, from anytthing that hurt her. And there, I had to let her go. Just drive away and let her be a big girl as if nothing was wrong, dissolving into fatherly tears that I am going to miss my girl for these two nights, and I ache for her heart to be full and happy. Not just today, but tomorrow and for her whole life.

Somehow the rain this morning seemed to just continue the thinking. Who am I becoming today? What if I lost everything that I have right now, what would happen next? Am I building my trust and faith in the things that cannot be taken away or am I actually busying myself with thigns that really have no meaning, no value, no purpose and that if it all were gone from me tomorrow, I would actually be no worse of… or perhaps even better off for it?

I keep thinking of the words I read recently in my own scriupture study. We always read about those who will be cursed or damned and I think we focus on thoase maybe out of guilt or fear, but I read something that really caiught me.
That in the last day, those who have done righteously wold have a perfeect rememberance, not of their guilt, but of their enjoyment.

That word fascinated me. Their enjoyment. Their happiness. Their joyfulness.

Never let me miss out on the joyfulness, Lord. Please.

#BestDay

Lately, there’s been a lot of focus on the Sabbath Day and what it means to me. Something Elder Ballard said is Regional Conference today struck me and got me thinking about what I am or am not doing to take advantage of the gift God gave me each week, of a Sunday, a day to rest from my labors (and focus a bit more on his).

I think we are woefully underutilizing the power available to us in the Sabbath day and in the living ordinance of the Sacrament.
 – Elder M. Russell Ballard, Apostle, Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

The song “The Day Dawn is Breaking” has been on my mind a lot. This morning, in fact, I just couldn’t get the opening lines out of my head:

“Beautiful day; 
of peace and rest.
Bright be thy dawn;
from East to West…”

I love the Sabbath Day. I know that it is a wonderful blessing in my life to change gears and slow down a bit. Though Elder Ballard’s words make me wonder what I am missing out on. I woner what a little change of focus might do.

Saturday Breakfast

I’m loving cooking a little for Saturday breakfast. This is easily man food and not pretty at all, but I love it and it gives me a great boost for the day after a fantastic workout this morning. 

  • 3 egg whites and 1 egg, fried.
  • 1 piece, Dave’s killer bread, toasted.
  • 1tbsp Santa Cruz Organic Peanut Butter on the toast.
  • 2 slices turkey bacon.
  • 2 oz Black Forest ham (fried).
  • 1 tbsp Cholula hot sauce #cantgetenough
  • Dash of salt. 

378 calories, mostly protein and really yummy. I had a nice cup of hot cinnamon Herbal Concentrate, too. Love it. 

   
  

my macros so far today– I’m higher in fat than i want but exceeding it with protein. if i keepy other foods pretty clean today, I can balance this out.