Father’s day this year got me thinking a lot about you, and I realized I have something I need to tell you:
I know the first words out of my mouth lots of the time are “no” or “that won’t work” or “that makes life inconvenient because…” or “you could have done this better if…”
I’m sorry about that.
I’m trying to be better about listening more and letting you guys figure things out on your own so it feels like something you learned 🙋🏽 rather than something forced upon you or that you were nagged about. 👮🏻
But I realize that the reason I say what I say is because I know you guys are trying to do all good things and in my heart I just want you to have that little nudge that could make the GOOD things you already do into GREAT things.
Except they don’t come out like that all the time.
And sometimes, the things I say sometimes probably sound like I didn’t realize that youjust built an entire suspension bridge across a huge, cavernous, massively frightening area in your life and I’m over here nitpicking how you’re wearing your hard hat.
Sorry about that, girls.
I love you so much and I am so impressed with how you’re doing your life. The challenges and various crazy things you’re faced with are huge.
And, you’re CRUSHING it.
I am so proud of you every. single. day. Ask anyone I work with or anyone I come across how much I light up when I am talking about you.
But I don’t always tell you that.I probably should.
I read this fascinating article today about a man who had a tumor which stole every memory he had, and then it all came flooding back to him in an instant.
I can’t imagine both the sense of loss and the incredible sense of remembering that he went through.
"I felt like I was watching an actor forget his lines on stage."
I had to stop and think:
What will it be like when we see ourselves, at the end of our lives, finally in full context, finally with a more fullness of understanding?
And how would we live today if we knew we could never have it, really hold it, ever again?
I have to admit I am kindof flooded by all this right now. It realy came to hit me this morning when I dropped [my oldest daughter] to the bus for a trip to Cedar City’s Shakespeare Festival with her school grop. She is going to be gone for two nights doing things she loves with good people, but I was in tears as I left the parking lot.
I love that girl.
I would do anything to protect her, my baby, from anytthing that hurt her. And there, I had to let her go. Just drive away and let her be a big girl as if nothing was wrong, dissolving into fatherly tears that I am going to miss my girl for these two nights, and I ache for her heart to be full and happy. Not just today, but tomorrow and for her whole life.
Somehow the rain this morning seemed to just continue the thinking. Who am I becoming today? What if I lost everything that I have right now, what would happen next? Am I building my trust and faith in the things that cannot be taken away or am I actually busying myself with thigns that really have no meaning, no value, no purpose and that if it all were gone from me tomorrow, I would actually be no worse of… or perhaps even better off for it?
I keep thinking of the words I read recently in my own scriupture study. We always read about those who will be cursed or damned and I think we focus on thoase maybe out of guilt or fear, but I read something that really caiught me.
That in the last day, those who have done righteously wold have a perfeect rememberance, not of their guilt, but of their enjoyment.
That word fascinated me. Their enjoyment. Their happiness. Their joyfulness.
Never let me miss out on the joyfulness, Lord. Please.
Lately, there’s been a lot of focus on the Sabbath Day and what it means to me. Something Elder Ballard said is Regional Conference today struck me and got me thinking about what I am or am not doing to take advantage of the gift God gave me each week, of a Sunday, a day to rest from my labors (and focus a bit more on his).
I think we are woefully underutilizing the power available to us in the Sabbath day and in the living ordinance of the Sacrament.
– Elder M. Russell Ballard, Apostle, Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
The song “The Day Dawn is Breaking” has been on my mind a lot. This morning, in fact, I just couldn’t get the opening lines out of my head:
of peace and rest.
Bright be thy dawn;
from East to West…”
I love the Sabbath Day. I know that it is a wonderful blessing in my life to change gears and slow down a bit. Though Elder Ballard’s words make me wonder what I am missing out on. I woner what a little change of focus might do.